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You try to appear to fit in but not too much, because then you don’t.


It is funny how airports can bring the humanity of humanity to the surface, but also pretend that it is not really there. There is a feeling of aloneness while being immersed in a sea of other people. I feel other people’s emotions without even trying, so this is a very serious thing I experience. It can be hard to sort out, but just like everything else I remember that each of them has their own brand of trivial stress. The trivialness is temporary because when sitting in an airport waiting for a flight, certain daily concerns peel away like an onion skin. This is because mortality gets sprinkled onto our essence like a deep savory spice. It’s just enough to make you appreciate you daily life.




I can’t tell you how many times I have looked around at the people at my departure gate and thought, “if this were the series LOST, what roles would each of us take should we end up on that island." Searching faces, I perceive where they fit into the story. This is what happens when you accidentally add too much seasoning, and I am ALL about this.




Yeah, the lines intersect all over the place for me. I passed up a wonderful breakfast buffet at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel for an airport breakfast. At the airport bar an almost 60 year old woman pounding down margaritas talking with the younger woman, and then later 2 men. Even though she says that she is on an upside down schedule today, hence the drinking, I can feel that this is only said for her to fool herself about fooling us. The breakfast consisted of 1/3 random yellow rubbery strips containing no actual food product, but having a hint of genuine fake egg taste.






That was Nashville. This is Baltimore. This airport has many times been a connector in my travels. I thoroughly got myself over the idea that I was going to get anything beyond a mediocre famous Maryland crab cake in this airport. Tried the Silver Diner's crab cake sliders last Sunday. They fell very short of how I remember them. 



 If you want to know who has the best food according to airport patrons, it is the one with the line that is far too long for my “used to Vermont/New Hampshire butt to be standing in.... by which I mean ChickFilet.




I walked all of BWI and in the end, reluctantly and silently kicking and screaming in my head, ordered from the Asian food counter..........that had no line. (No Actual Line, No Actual Food). 3 cream cheese wontons that surprisingly did not have cream cheese in them despite the words being in the name. 1 atrocious chicken egg roll that has me fearing for my life.




But the reason for this post is that woman. Somehow she is the impossible girl of air travel. I’ve seen her on many flights over the years. She has dirty blonde short straight hair. Maybe 102 pounds. She has a tan face and is definitely in her 50s although she could pass for mid 40s. She acts like she flies all the time. She pays no attention to anyone and at times you may think that she is talking to you or someone else, only to realize she is talking on the phone. Even if everyone were to vanish from the planet Twilight Zone style, she probably would not notice.




Who is she? It’s like this. When I was truck driving I would use the CB radio to navigate the challenges that awaited me out there on the highways. There was ALWAYS this voice, a booming mans voice with a strong and bold southern accent. I swear, no matter where it was, it was always the SAME GUY! Chicago, Connecticut, Texas, Pittsburgh. It did not matter, it was him and he was everywhere. She was like that, everywhere!




Somehow the perpetual air traveler woman has managed to smuggle an entire meal onto the plane and is eating it while she still talks on the phone into her headset. She does not care if her brazen attitude annoys or offends you, she owns everything here.




Until next time, impossible air traveler girl.








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