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The odyssey of chaos

 In the last couple of years I have learned that I thrive on disaster. The more chaotic a situation, the more in my element I am. This is where my love of contingency was born. I realize that just saying these words may seem wrong or off-center. It is nothing so weird. I was raised at a time when it took serious creativity to get by abundant limitations. I am so thankful because even though I say that there were limitations, there were also people that provided solutions to keep me and my family safe.

Many of the survival skills in life that I learned, I learned from people around me, and developed the mindset that consistently worked out better ways to solve every day problems. In doing so, solving problems monetarily was erased from the manual. I subconsciously removed that as an option and as you might guess, there are an infinite number of possibilities.

So, yes.  Most of the chaos, was implied threat to daily life. Eviction, the loss of a couple of refrigerators, two years without a car, loss of income, minimum wage, things that many families endured. Although my Mom did a very good job making sure my sisters and I still could be children, I could feel the intensity of the struggle, and developed my contingent mindset.

It is pretty amazing how being raised this way can mold all the decisions you make on a daily basis for decades to come. There is a cavalier sort of attitude that as the world becomes more materialistic and disposable, I was out to smite it, throughout the course of my life.

 There are so many interesting side effects that come with this ability. I’ve created the demand within myself to expect creativity in most every decision no matter how great or small. I am fascinated at how it is actually developed into my running into a task and expecting that I will fully deploy the assembly, execution, and delivery, every single time. I have even detected this type of creativity in my sons. Obviously, that comes from learning it from me as opposed to it being born out of necessity. But this is something I certainly want to be careful



In two days, I am starting our second camping trip of the season. This one will be without a camper and upon a very rural  mountain. The regular method that I have of doing meals, which is bringing a pile of food and then creating some thing is a headache. I am pleased right now that I can perceive this as a mess. It means I am understanding my approach to things more than I ever have before. So instead of going my typical creative and complex path, I have decided that I’m going to put some serious forethought and preparation into all meals. Because this is such a primitive camping experience, I’m going to do my best to build a bunch of parchment and foil packets with delicious food in them. Metaphorically this is huge!

I think somewhere along the way my demand for creativity in finding solutions somehow translated into choosing complex methods. I have always joked that for me it was, “no way but the hard way“. Really, the foil packets are not the only thing that I’ve been doing this with. So many small decisions when compared to the weeks, months, and years of your life, add up into significant differences. So yes, the great experiment continues. You might say that this is not far of a departure from other ideas that I regularly deploy, and you’re right. But if the last couple of years has taught me anything, a worthy question to ask before taking on an effort is: “What is the return on investment of this effort?“ Basically, is this worth spending time on?

So, I look forward to this weekend. Looking forward to not having to create things on the spot. Looking forward to freeing my mind space to enjoy the moment and opening the cooler and placing that foil packet in the coals and not having to perform, which is what the alternate feels like sometimes. Here is to freedom.

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