Fragmentation May 31, 1996

2 to 3 days of darkness cover me. I know there is life beyond this cloud. But I can’t really see it. It’s like thinking of yourself in third person.

All I can say was in 1992 and 93 when I heard Neil Young play his harvest moon, I could hear “the end “in the words. But now I’m still in love with you I want to see you dance again because I’m still in love on this harvest Moon. Something in those words made me believe the world What is soon going to end. It didn’t. But the life I lived at the time did. But now it feels like the end once again. This is a strange feeling. I know what profound depression is. I miss you dad. I feel bad that I did not stay better in touch with you. There you have a phone right there at work. One call a week would be nice. This is a profound loss.

Timothy Leary died today. He was cremated and his ashes are being sent into outer space. Is this a first?. By the sounds of it he had an awakening as he could see over the fence.

Dad told me in 1979 that he hey my my was supposed to sound distorted on the radio. I will never forget being 14 and sitting in that white 1970 Ford van that dad liked to call the hotel Ford and spilling my guts to him. I think that may have been the first time we ever had a real talk. We were in the new Cambridge apartments parking lot in Bristol Connecticut In late 1979. The song, it’s only love by ZZ Top was on the radio, but we couldn’t figure out who was singing. Little did we know at the time this would be like many of our future conversations. Five years from now, half a country away.

Grandma stood inside her apartment wondering when we would come in. She told me so the next day. The good days will never be again.

Comments

The Universal Antagonist

There is an underrated movie from 1967 called “The Presidents Analyst”. It tells the story of a presidents analyst who cannot talk with anyone about what he knows. This creates more anxiety than he can deal with. It leads to catastrophic paranoia. In the meantime, various government agencies are trying to kill him. The phone company (a unit with the same power as Facebook, google, and other large personal data collecting monsters) wants what he knows to further their cause of power. He ends up being protected by a suburban “Liberal” family that has more guns the the “right wing wackos” they are protecting themselves from. With many crazy mind bending plot twists that were common in the movies of the late 60’s, the kind that Austin Powers liked to spoof, in the end, the main character realizes the “it’s the phone company” behind all of the evil in their lives, behind all the evil in the world. Hollywood was serious about their message in an insane package. This movie wa...

The thin line between hiking and cooking

I knew I should have prepped the cabbage last night. Instead of razor-thin shavings of bright green cabbage, I opened the cooler and there they were, two green bowling balls without the holes. But, hey, I am good with a knife. I am not stupid-fast, more like efficient. I got this. My one-hour lunch excursion into the culinary burst of what I view Fight4Taste to mean could happen. Right? All along there was a song playing in the background, come on Gen-X sing it if you know it..."A THREE HOUR TOURRRRRRRR!" Once the cabbage is shredded, it is evident I am in that episode of the Twilight Zone in which time is moving at 6 times its natural speed. I note to myself, that the next time my hands are clean, there is an important call that I need to make. I step off the curb to work on the rest of the build and then, I am again transported 37 minutes into the future. If I were home, the projections meet the reality and simply translate into a hungry family eating later, a kitchen be...

You try to appear to fit in but not too much, because then you don’t.

It is funny how airports can bring the humanity of humanity to the surface, but also pretend that it is not really there. There is a feeling of aloneness while being immersed in a sea of other people. I feel other people’s emotions without even trying, so this is a very serious thing I experience. It can be hard to sort out, but just like everything else I remember that each of them has their own brand of trivial stress. The trivialness is temporary because when sitting in an airport waiting for a flight, certain daily concerns peel away like an onion skin. This is because mortality gets sprinkled onto our essence like a deep savory spice. It’s just enough to make you appreciate you daily life. I can’t tell you how many times I have looked around at the people at my departure gate and thought, “if this were the series LOST, what roles would each of us take should we end up on that island." Searching faces, I perceive where they fit into the story. This is what happens when you acc...

Fight 4 Taste

Search This Blog